The Toxic Attraction Between An Empath And A Narcissist

I am an empath. I discovered I was an empath after I got involved in a very intense and highly destructive relationship with a narcissist.

 

For a detailed explanation of both the narcissist and empathy personality types, please click here and here.

From my own experience and studies on the narcissist personality type, there is one noticeable core trait: A narcissist is wounded.

Something, somewhere along the line, often stemming from childhood causes a person to feel worthless, unimportant and unvalued and, due to this, they will constantly and very desperately seek validation.

Here comes the empath, the healer. An empath has the ability to sense, feel and absorb other people’s pain and often takes it on as though it were their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of healthy boundaries when dealing with people who have harmful intentions and they do not understand how to protect themselves, they will very easily and very quickly strongly bond with the narcissist in order to try to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.

What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker. An energy sucker, a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance. And they won’t stop.

They do this so that they can build up their own energy reserves and, in doing so, they can use the imbalance to their advantage.

This dynamic will bewilder, confuse and debilitate an empath, as if they do not have a full understanding of their own or other people’s capabilities, they will fail to see that not everyone has the same intentions as they do. An empath will always put themselves into other people’s shoes and experience the feelings, thoughts and emotions of others, while forgetting that other people may have an agenda very different to their own and that not everyone means well or is sincere.

The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, it is imperative they are in a position whereby they can rise above others and be in control. The empath’s agenda is to love, heal and care. There is no balance and it is extremely unlikely there ever will be one.

 

The more love and care an empath offers, the more powerful and in control a narcissist will become.

The more powerful the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status.

Then, there is a very big change—Due to the constant turbulence the empath may take on narcissistic traits as they too have become wounded and are constantly triggered by the damage being in the company with a narcissist creates. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl around the two.

When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play on this and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. The lower down an empath becomes, the higher a narcissist will feel. An empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation and acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help will affirm to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy.

A bitter battle can ensue.

As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction of their lives, they can become self-obsessed and fail to see where the damage is coming from. Instead of looking outwards and seeing what is causing it, the empath will turn everything inward and blame themselves.

An empath at this stage must realise the situation they are in and sharply wake up to it, as anyone who is deeply in pain and is hurt can take on narcissistic tendencies themselves as they turn their focus onto their own pain and seek out others to make them feel okay again.

Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist or receive comfort will be futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone else. Not only this, they are extremely charismatic and manipulative and have a powerful way of turning everything away from themselves and onto others.

A narcissist will blame their own pain on an empath, plus they will also make sure the empath feels responsible for the pain they too are suffering.

If the empath does not step firmly into their own power they will begin to crumble under the weight of it all.

By this stage the empath will know they are in a destructive relationship and they will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy that it can be easy to attempt to blame all of the destruction onto the narcissist.

However, an empath should not be looking to blame anyone else. An empath has a choice, to remain the victim, a pawn in the narcissists game or to garner all the strength they can muster and find a way out.

Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive, affectionate and charismatic person they were attracted to.

How we allow ourselves to be treated is a result of our own choices. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are choosing at some level what they believe they are worth on the inside.

An empath cannot let their self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognise that they do not deserve the hurtful words or actions that the narcissist delivers and to look for an escape route.

In an empath’s eyes, all they searched and looked for was someone to take care of and love and, sadly, ultimately to “fix.” That is where the trouble began and that is the most profound part of this that an empath must realise.

We are not here to fix anyone. We cannot fix anyone. Everyone is responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they choose to do so.

The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway, it is never too late to seek help, seek understanding and knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognise our own strengths and capabilities and do everything we can to build the courage and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away—for good.

The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of anyone else. They are not consciously aware of their behaviour and the damage it causes and in their game they will sacrifice anyone and anything for their own gain—regardless of what pretty lies and sweet nothings they try to whisper.

An empath is authentic and is desperate to live true to their soul’s purpose and will very likely find the whole relationship a huge lesson, a dodged bullet and painfully awakening.

A narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic self. They will likely walk away from the relationship very quickly and easily once they realise that they have lost their ability to control the empath. The game is no longer pleasurable if they are not having their ego constantly stroked, so they will move on, emotionless, and waste no time seeking out their next victim.

The only reason a true narcissist stays is when they think they still have something to gain.

The ability for these two types to bond is quite simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, an empath’s is open—it is nothing short of a recipe for a huge disaster, and unfortunately, not a beautiful one.

To purchase Alex’s book, An Empath, A guide to Emotions and Relationships (Including those with narcissists) Please click here

To read the original/full article please click here… http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-toxic-attraction-between-an-empath-a-narcissist/

 

Image Victoria Sorderstrom (used with permission)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s